Chaos & Love: A Blended Trans Family in the Eye of the Storm
I pour my coffee before dawn, balancing the exhaustion of parenting a wild-eyed four-year-old with the weight of history on my shoulders. I’m a Black trans woman, mother to a beautiful son whose father is a trans man. I’m in love with a trans man, and together we form a constellation of identities: Black, Afro‑Puerto Rican, Indigenous, trans, gender‑nonconforming, mothers, fathers, lovers, and rebels.
Yet 2025 feels like living inside an apocalyptic screenplay. I live in California—for now—for here the storm hasn’t hit hardest yet. But the new federal administration is weaponizing hatred, and it’s dragging our lives into chaos. It’s "funny"—until it’s not.
When Systems Attack
In June, the Supreme Court upheld Tennessee’s ban on gender‑affirming care for trans youth—a decision that strengthens at least 25 other states’ bans and strips all trans teens of basic medical care reuters.com+2time.com+2hrw.org+2. The logic is twisted: cis kids get blockers and hormones; trans kids don’t. Homophobia dressed up as neutral medicine.
Simultaneously, our federal government is scrubbing LGBTQ+ resources: gender‑affirming funding blocked, suicide hotlines for queer youth defunded, DEI efforts gutted, and the “Press 3” option wiped from the national 988 Lifeline—ending specialized support for LGBTQ youth on July 17, 2025 people.com+1politico.com+1. Imagine a kid calling for someone like them, and there's nobody on the other line.
The Trump administration’s day‑one executive orders redefine sex as immutable and restrict gender identity—withdrawing passport recognition, banning trans troops, and erasing federal support systems kff.org+2teenvogue.com+2hrc.org+2. These orders don’t just harm trans people—they strike a blow at cis women’s rights, too, by reinforcing outdated stereotypes and rolling back Title IX protections and equality progress across the board apnews.com+4aclu.org+4them.us+4.
The Ripple Effect: Everyone Loses
Every attack labeled “protecting cis women” ends up harming them—even more than trans women—because it deepens patriarchal divides and erodes hard-won protections. Limiting trans rights isn’t just transphobia—it’s misogyny masquerading as protection . Whether it’s bathrooms, sports, medical care, or workplace fairness, this false logic fractures women’s solidarity and erodes gains for all.
Laws targeting trans teens destroy families, increase mental health crises, and force kids to hide and suffer. Human Rights Watch reported bans are “inflicting severe harm”—more anxiety, depression, even suicide attempts among youth and parents drowning under impossible barriers hrw.org.
Meanwhile, federal LGBTQ+ employees—particularly trans and cis women—are terrified. They talk of “a McCarthyist purge,” forced to delete emails, avoid resource groups, and live in fear of being exposed or fired just for caring theguardian.com+9them.us+9hrw.org+9.
Living This Every Day
I see it in my son’s innocent wonder, in his puzzled smile when he watches me put on lashes and lipstick. He doesn’t understand why the world thinks that’s weird, dangerous, or immoral. But I do. I see the laws that want to erase me—and him.
I remember kissing my partner in the living room, the joy and relief flooding me, only to be struck by an ugly thought: will our love soon be treated as a crime? Will our son be torn from us by politicians orchestrating cruelty?
The chaos is relentless. But love—that quiet revolution in our home—will not be erased.
Photo credit: LaSaia Wade
By the Ocean Waters
What We Must Do
We cannot soften the truth. This moment calls for action:
Mobilize Locally & Nationally
Join groups like the ACLU, GLAAD, The Trevor Project, and Brave Space Alliance.
Speak up during city council or school board meetings—call for trans‑inclusive healthcare and laws.
Protect Families
Connect with legal resources.
Share our stories—trans* kids have families; we are their loves, their lives.
Resist in Everyday Spaces
Subscribe, vote, fund—organizations fighting these bans.
Do the small thing: affirm someone’s pronouns, donate, speak out on social.
Heal Together
Make space for grief. We’re experiencing collective trauma. Therapy, art, community circles—they matter.
Why This Matters
This isn’t just about trans moms in blended families—it’s about what kind of country we become. Do we spend money on hatred and guns? Or do we invest in flying cars, renewable energy, mental health, equity?
We’re already on the “not” phase. The phase where we should be arguing about how fast those flying cars will be, not about who gets to exist or love.
Our story—my story—is proof that love is stronger than tyranny. That being Black, trans, a mom—to a trans child—means I am full of resilience that won’t be erased.
Together: We Are the Resistance
If you’re reading this:
💛 Speak up in your community.
💛 Call your representatives.
💛 Donate what you can.
💛 Support kids, families, workers facing these attacks.
At our most vulnerable, we found one another. We are a blended constellation of hope. And together, we light the way.
